just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
