how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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