Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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