do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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