Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize