honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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