I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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