i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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