Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
