There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize