And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
