There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
