We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
