is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
