he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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