yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
