I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
