Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
