It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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