How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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