Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
