So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
