Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
