oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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