dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
