I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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