Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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