Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love you. Go after that dick
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
