Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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