I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
