Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
