my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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