We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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