Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
