you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
