Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I died a long time ago.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
