He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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