I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
