i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
