The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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