If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
