I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
