I bet he comes in French.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
