Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
