Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
