We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
