I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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