It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize