dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize