so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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