It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
