not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
