oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
