Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
