If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
