I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will pee on everything he values.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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