she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
