how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
