Are we in a gay sports bar?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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