I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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