I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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