pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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