UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
