I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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