Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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