What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
