she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
