Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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