My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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