So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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