Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
